Ep. 09: "He Was Apparently a Talented Baker"


 * The Problems: the dolory of John’s wet and unrakeable leaves; some nuanced aspects around fulfilling The Belgian Promise; Kim Gordon’s sassy and industry-ruining boas; solving an Argentinian heiress’s mystery on the pampas; new ways to make iced tea while your kids are in rehab; the passing of Maurice; the challenge of becoming a truly memorable serial killer when saddled with just two names; one stinky Nigerian Prince and the weltanschauung he brings to organizing a Goodwill; mothballs, mildew, and dreams deferred; the timeless advice Merlin shared with his infant daughter; how Merlin helps by taxonomizing his toddler daughter’s toys; how John will eventually help by explaining this process to Merlin’s teenage daughter; why St. Paul was definitely a Taurus and probably a komodo dragon; scouring every molecule of the Duritz from Jennifer Aniston’s bath tub; choosing John Roderick to block; marching orders for The Salivation Army; Merlin discusses something pelvically; the bespoke wardrobe of Philadelphia’s most pretty-wristed dandy; The Story of O’s self-enlightened snacks; exploring the artisanal baked goods of Alaska’s busy bush pilots; Merlin’s numerous confusions about Zooey Deschanel (SAY: “/ˈzoʊ.iː deɪʃəˈnɛl/ zoh-ee day-shə-nel”); thoughts from John’s Mom on the controversial versatility of Meg Ryan; tips for insulating potted plants for winter; swerving around John on the road to Damascus; balloons v. bottles in the service of optimistic correspondence; why Lenin secretly never peed on fruit juice; John’s plaintive voi ch’entrate regarding opening any ladies’ magazines; a renewed interest in shiny ladies in big shoes standing on ladders (a/k/a “Ladder Girls”); and the pressing need to attach a proper Boswell to John’s Johnson.