Ep. 34: "A Shit Barge Full of Long Pigs"

Released May 30, 2012

The Problems: Brobdingnagian morning cookies; the time LTJG David Roderick (USN) kind of maybe scared off a Zero with his rogue Colt M1911; Merlin windmills through his brief Kneepads and Floppy Epaulets Phase; why John thinks depths charges are a careless and potentially orphan-endangering pussy move; John discovers an oxidizing superpower—then struggles to find a cool name; Billy Joel and his stupid goddamned loose tie bullshit; Merlin tries in vain to keep his new bell a little special; fortifying your underwater home against an attack by Navy SEALs; nobody just “walks away” from a Coffeetology® audit; John poses for Playboy with his cripplingly handsome friend, Jon Hamm; post-mortem on ’30s gangster things; Pete Townshend is attacked by a long-range baby marmot cannon; “Oooooo, hey, everybody, look at me! I’m some Somalian guy and I give everybody tickets!”; that one time when John and Merlin shot big guns; methods for concealing your (standard) yacht from Malaccan pirates; The Dardanelles Mountain Goat; streamlining childbirth via the metaphorical ordnance of Battlestar Galactica (no, the 1978 one); a much-needed clinic for teaching ladies proper loogie aperture; Really? Wooden knife? Really?; no, sir, you can’t slip a urethra by John Roderick; fantasies of Elle Macpherson on a juicy and super-hot Copenhagen run; arriving late to the Damascan spy game—perhaps in a robe; in Soviet Ukraine, collaborators Vichy you; never hide stuff in the actual yogurt place, because that’s just what they’d be expecting; apolougies from the deferential bottom gangs of Canada; the gun that lets pirates know when business is meant; okay, so, we’ll give Turkey maaaaaaaybe a “7”; one headlamp per doorknob; years John was literally soaking in war; plus, John and Merlin finally prepare to launch Hitler ’n Stuff!